i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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