how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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