i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
