Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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