please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
