dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize