the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
