I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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