I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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