You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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