dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
