If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
ok first of all what the fuck
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize