I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize