I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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