He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
