Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
