My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
