How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
