New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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