Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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