he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
