I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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