DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
