i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
