i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
