I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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