remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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