dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
