I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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