hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
