I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
