It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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