i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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