put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
there is glitter all over my balls
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
