mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
