Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
