Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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