Define "chronic" masturbator.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
