let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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