I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize