If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
