I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
