how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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