he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
