He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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