Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
