This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
