if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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