capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
