sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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