Don't make out with my wife yet
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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