I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
