totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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