Do you still have your period?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
