I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize