Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
