It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I look better un-naked...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
