We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
