i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
