Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize