I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The beer is more important than you right now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
