I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
