I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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