My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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