im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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