Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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